It’s only a matter of days before this gypsy joyride hits the 1-year mark. I know I’m supposed to do a “The Year In Review” milestone post of some sorts – given the weight we usually ascribe to first anniversaries; but since 2014 is just around the corner, let’s keep things tidy and do a wrap-up come new year.
To be honest, it feels like right now, I have a shortage of coherent things to say. Let’s just say that the honeymoon phase is over, and as soon as the fairy dust finally settled, all kinds of demons started to stir. Some days you shake them off, on other days, they linger.
If I were to describe the latter part of the year, it would be something like alternating days jumping on trampolines, with days sinking deep into quicksands. Take away the security (both financial and psychological) that a steady job brings, I may have overindulged in my fears and self-deprecating tendencies a tad too many times. I’ve skirted around scars when I said I’d be collecting them, adding to my frustration.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m in a good place. I consider it a blessing that this year whenever asked how I was doing, I was able to reply ‘I feel great’ far more often than just saying ‘I’m ok’. I know I am where I’m supposed to be, it’s just that I REALLY need to cut down on those quicksand days. They leave you emotionally polarized, paralyzed, and counter-productive, killing the momentum.
That being said, a return to form is vital. And I shall celebrate this anniversary re-orienting myself to my magnetic north.
Yesterday, I chanced upon this TED Talk. It’s one of those ‘OMG, this is exactly what I needed to hear right now!’ kind of moments.
The gist: Risk and Reward.
Show up. Stay open. Ask. Share. Learn. Do not overthink. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Take heart. Take courage. Most of all, have faith.
These will help me navigate the unknown. I needed to be reminded of that. I knew it from the beginning. Obviously, it’s a lot easier said than done, especially when you’re wired to the opposite behaviors. But there’s no other way to do this. Acknowledge the risk, then just go. Nevermind if it’s embarrassing.
And so these days, my north star will look something like two words and four letters.
There are so many things to be thankful for and I remain hopeful that this journey will lead me to even more blessings. Folded, unfolded, and unfolding – I will keep moving forward.
I remain restless until I rest in You.